Will’s First Father’s Day: This is Who You Are

Dear William , my sweet husband and Lincoln’s beloved dad,

You said it best in a letter you wrote to me for Mother’s Day: we’ve barely had time to breathe lately. We’re three months into this parenting gig, and it has been a whirlwind at a best, a hurricane at worst. Every time we think we have this parenthood thing under control and that we have Linc figured out, he senses our smugness and surprises us with something new (or worse, something old - poop explosions).

We both needed some time to bond with Lincoln and truly attach to him as parents. For me, that process was fairly quick, and it makes sense: as his food source, he is attached to my body around the clock for the unforeseeable future. But for you, it took a little longer. You loved to snuggle him, you thought he was the most beautiful baby in the world, but your bond began to solidify with those first few smiles, and it’s cemented further with each fit of giggles, each time he lights up when you walk by the bassinet every morning, each time he reaches for your face and rubs his cold hands on your beard.

You are many, many things to us, but these are a few that rise to the top.

You are . . .

My labor coach, my life coach, my constant encourager.

During pregnancy, you told me how beautiful I was and how proud you were; you cheered me on as I tried to stay alive despite a quickly growing watermelon belly. You slept in our room during labor contractions as we waited, and you told me I was strong and capable when I didn’t think I could make choices for our care. You stroked my hair when I cried through the first night in pain post cesarean, sitting up with me during 3:00 am feedings grabbing every bottle and diaper, so that even in my new-mom loneliness, I wouldn’t be alone. You go out of your way to find little ways to affirm and encourage me in motherhood and to remind me that we’re doing the very best we can.

Lincoln’s steadfast and trustworthy source of fatherly love.

Something I’ve always appreciated about you is your steadfastness. Not easily shaken or doubtful, you balance my emotional and spicy tendencies, and provide a refuge for me when I can’t keep up with myself. Your arms are my haven and your words are my honey, and I couldn’t imagine any man who would be a better example for our son of God’s ever-steady, unchanging love. Nothing about a baby’s first year is breezy, but your unwavering support has steadied our family in the stormy moments.

Lincoln’s example of masculinity and tenderness.

Every little boy needs an example of God’s love, a love that is all at once maternal and paternal, fierce and tender, protecting and persevering. You and I know that we can wholeheartedly place our trust in this, but Lincoln is just learning this; he’s building his conceptions about the nature of God’s love through the ways we love him. Your father-love for him is both strong and soft, willing and able to protect him, yet gentle enough that he’ll always sense your compassion and warmth. (Just don’t make me be the bad cop all the time, okay?)

My partner in providing and in parenting.

You’re a true partner in parenting and in decision making, which is a gift I don’t take lightly. I know I tend to want to control everything, but each time I ask for your opinion, I’m met with a wealth of wisdom and a desire to do what’s best for our family — not just what’s best for you or for me or for Linc, but for all of us. You are here working full time, while splitting the household responsibilities is complicated to say the least, but I love that he gets so much quality time with his daddy each week and is participating in a family dynamic that is empowering. I hope that as a result, his growing concepts of family, fatherhood, and motherhood will be wide and inclusive.

Watching you fall in love with our son has been one of the greatest joys of my life, and every time I see you care for our little boy with such tenderness, it reminds me that marrying you was the best decision I ever made, because no one else could be a better parenting partner for me, nor could anyone else could love Lincoln like you do. Happy Father’s Day to you.

All my love, Christina